Notes
Baby Piggy is me: “Everyone knows the most important thing about being a rock star is LOOKING like a rock star!”
My sister’s friend Connor shared this hilarious Les Mis parody dedicated to teachers with us.
From my last note, which said only “It me,” you may be wondering “What she?” I was trying to include this image. It. It me.
Life has been extra intense from March 6 until now. I missed a dissertation fellowship application that was due 3/15 (only $3K but that would fund some travel). There are two I’m eligible for due at the end of the month, no word about whether those dates will be changed.
When my kid’s preschool announced that they would be closing, I had plans to blog daily about my experiences in the middle of this widespread social distancing experience. But I’ve found myself without the energy. I told W. I just want to crawl into bed and I said, “I don’t know if this is 3+ years of parenting catching up with me, or an autoimmune flare, or just the world.” He suggested it’s probably a combination of the three. Bakara Wintner did her live weekly Tarot reading from her bed. This feeling is a mood.
But @colinwalker and @hutaffe have both written about how this is a time for blogging (here and here, respectively) and I really do believe they’re right. So when I can blog, I will.
At present, my child is absorbed in playing with miniature water beads that we made together yesterday. This activity is for sure a winner: we made them together and he is contentedly pouring them between different containers now and has been for about 45 minutes.
Some background on me informs my social distancing experience somewhat. I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is definitely an autoimmune disease, and polycystic ovary syndrome, which may or may not be. Advice on whether having an autoimmune disease makes one at a higher risk for acquiring coronavirus is mixed, but Mary J. Shomon, a thyroid patient advocate who I trust, published a report suggesting that autoimmune patients should at least act as if they are at a higher risk, even if they are not. This is the point from which I’ve been operating.
I’m a graduate student, a doctoral candidate with a research assistantship. This means that all of my work at present is research driven: my current projects involve collecting data for my dissertation and transcribing data for a study my RA supervisor is doing.
I have a 3 year old son who usually spends a half-day in Montessori while I work on my research in the co-working space on the other side of the building. This is the only time I do work; the rest of my time is spent caring for him or recovering from caring for him because as mentioned, autoimmune disease. (My primary symptom is fatigue, and life is a constant calculation about what I have enough energy to do and how much energy it will cost me to do something. For more on this, see the Spoon Theory.) For about six hours a week, my mother-in-law is with him, and during that time I usually rest or make dinner. On the weekends, my husband spends a lot of time with him, and that’s when I rest or do what little housework he leaves for me. I’m very blessed in that my husband, W., takes care of basically every household task: cleaning, laundry, dishes, packing M’s lunch and snack, getting M. dressed. I hope this won’t always be the case, but right now, my jobs are keeping M. alive, keeping myself alive, and going to school.
W. works at a university library full-time as the director of their copyright and digital scholarship center. Both my university and his university have encouraged social distancing, so he is working from home. He is working fairly normal hours, adjusted due to his not having to commute. From 9 - 5, he is holed up in our bedroom, doing work. He has a lot of virtual meetings these days, as you might imagine, and is also finishing up some pretty big grant applications.
So. W. has to do his work and Montessori is closed. This means that grad school, which has been more of a side gig than my main deal ever since M. was born, has basically been pushed entirely to the side. I can’t work on research at the same time as I’m caring for him, even if he is distracted by TV, because I need to get in as close to a flow state as a mom can get. And then again, when I get mother-in-law time (which is a risk we’re accepting, really, as she has been out in the world and seeing massage clients and getting acupuncture herself but we’ve decided the risk is worth the help), I use it to rest. Or cook dinner.
On top of all of this, M. is going through a super clingy phase. He’s been for most of his life pretty happily to play independently, but not as much these days.
Still, we’ve worked out some routines that make this all easier. We get up in the morning and snuggle a bit and then have breakfast. We play for a while, and then at 11:30 we might watch a couple of episodes of TV, or go outside. We go outside for a bit - on a walk if M. feels up to it, or just to the front or back porch for some fresh air if not. We come inside, put on an audiobook, and M. plays quietly in his room while I rest in there. (He insists now that he can never be alone without a grown up, which is quite a change from a couple of months ago when he was eager for alone time.) We get up and play some more, watch a little more TV, have dinner, read stories, go to bed.
I sneak off to my bed as soon as he’s asleep, and sometime between midnight and 5 am, he asks me to come back to his room. (That part is the same as when preschool was open.)
This is hard and I often want to just resort to 8 hours of screen time a day, but I’m trying not to.
I’m concerned about the impact all of this will have on my dissertation progress, but I’m also surrendering to this being where the world is right now.
And I’m thinking about what I might do one day when I’m employed again, whether that’s self-employment or employment by an organization. These days, I’m leaning toward research communication and higher ed outreach, something alt-ac that lets me translate research for the public. Public humanities or public social sciences, if that’s a thing. (I’d love to do scicomm for Marine Science but I don’t think I have the science background necessary. Still might try, though.) Or professional development, or publishing. Kind of the same stuff I’ve been thinking about this whole time.
I’ve been squeezing in some video game time here and there and did my first Twitch stream yesterday. I created a new channel called momtroidvania. I’m playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for the umpteenth time (though I’ve only beaten it once) and found that really fun.
I’m reading Blue Mind and Going Alt-Ac. I’m hoping to do more comics reading soon, too. Take advantage of that whole Marvel Unlimited thing.
We watched Frozen II. I cried a lot, just like when I saw it in the theater.
But mostly, I just want to rest and rest and rest. I have not yet talked M. into just staying in bed all day, and I don’t think I’m likely to.
I know I’ll miss all of the snuggles and clinginess when he’s a teenager. Somehow knowing that doesn’t make me not want to sometimes have my body to myself right now. (I foolishly thought my body would be my own after weaning. Whoops.)
And yet this clingy guy is the cutest person ever who is super sweet and makes me laugh. Kids. They’re a lot of work, but they’re worth it.
M. asked “How old is Darth Vader?” I calculated using this timeline & told M., “41, the same age as your daddy.” M. said, “That’s a big, big number for an old, old Sith Lord.”
Social distancing day 4, no preschool day 2: M is enjoying these miniature water beads from FunatHomewithKids.com.
My kid just showed me his Winnie the Pooh in a Santa outfit stuffy and said, “So this is Santa… OR IS IT?” and I’m so proud.
Whitney (@whitneyellenb) & I are going to post about the video games we play while stuck at home using #quarantinegaming. She’s playing Xenosaga Part I. I’m playing The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild but am probably going to switch to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.
I’m totally accepting keypals/epals to help stave off social isolation during social distancing. Drop me a line at hello [at] kimberlyhirsh [dot] com.
Local schools are closing, including my Montessori/co-working space, so I’m now a stay-at-home mom until March 30. Cool, cool, cool. (I begrudge no one this. It’s absolutely the right move.)
No YOU want to buy every Leia item in the new Jen Bartels collection, twice, so you can keep one of each and give one to your mom.
I guested on a podcast for the first time in almost 5 years! And I only talked about BtVS a little! Check it out: Micro Monday, Episode 80
Current wishlist: Everything BtVS on Hot Topic
Rather than an elbow bump, I’m planning to replace handshakes and high fives with a forearm bash. www.youtube.com/watch
🎙️ Listened to Mighty Creative, episodes:
📺 Watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, season 1, episode 23, “Skin of Evil.”
🧶 Finally finished crocheting these dragon scale fingerless gloves. They’re a birthday gift for my sister. Her birthday is January 18… 😬
📺 Watched Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 1 episodes 1 & 2, “Encounter at Farpoint.”
As a kid, family viewing of TNG was one of my favorite things. I had an immense crush on Wesley Crusher (and still do on Wil Wheaton) and fancied myself a bit of a Spiner femme. The show aired from when I was 6 to when I was 12, and in middle school my best friend and I plotted a spec script where a teen flautist is the only one who can communicate with the Crystalline Entity and also befriends Data. We never actually wrote or submitted it. At the time, I thought Jean-Luc Picard was very cool, the kind of guy who would be a great mentor.
Now, at 38, I find myself having very different feelings about Picard, specifically that he is possibly the most attractive fictional character ever. I attribute this not only to my middle-aged hormones, but also to the fact that now he reminds me of my husband (the most attractive real person ever, to me, anyway). His blend of calm and intensity is :chefkiss:.
And now I realize too (and actually have for a while now) that Data’s appeal is about the extent to which I identify with him, for I, too, am a walking, talking computer trying to generate algorithms that will make me more human.
Also, Geordi LaForge needs to be my BFF.
Y’all, my brother’s latest cartoon is hilarious. Lots of fun visual gags. Watch at least twice. youtu.be/PViDjXlpj…