In my earliest days as a mother, I often found myself perusing the diagnostic criteria for post-partum depression. “I’m not as bad as all that,” I would think, “but I’m also not okay.” It was a huge relief the day I read a blog post that acknowledged that there’s a spectrum of possibilities between diagnosable perinatal mood disorder and unadulterated new mom bliss.

I’ve seen more than one of my friends recently articulate that they aren’t okay but they don’t know how to talk about it. I would speculate that they’re worried people will jump from “That person isn’t okay” to “OH GOD THEY’RE SUICIDAL!” I struggle with this concern myself.

We need to make space for the in-between, and we need to find the people around whom we feel safe expressing when we feel down. I have a few people. If you find yourself feeling this way often, I encourage you to find someone willing to act as a release valve. In my experience, it makes a difference.

Featured Image: Flying or Falling II by John Park

I happened across this piece in Austin Kleon’s newsletter. It beautifully expresses a sentiment that I’ve heard from many of us who were around when the web was first becoming widely available: a desire to return to a time when individuals could publish things and you found them by searching or by word of mouth, not because an algorithm pushed them into a feed. This is not not about comedy, but it’s about a lot more than comedy. It seems more social media sites are adopting algorithms like Facebook’s all the time.

Here’s how I’m responding:

1. Publishing primarily here at KimberlyHirsh.com. Several months ago now I began to explore the IndieWeb movement. I’m still not really doing it fully - not using replies or events yet, for example. But I’ve gotten started and finally found my groove with long posts, status updates, and link-sharing, at least.

2. Using Facebook almost exclusively for its group functionality. Sadly nobody else is doing this with as widespread adoption as Facebook. This is where most of my communities are congregating. But I’ve unfollowed all of my friends and liked pages. If I want to know how a friend who internets mainly via Facebook is doing, I go directly to their timeline.

3. Subscribing directly to content providers in other ways. If I want to see everything, I go with RSS for a full blog feed. If I want more curated content, I go with a newsletter. I use Gmail labels to keep all my newsletters together and deliberately choose when to review them.

4. Observing my own response as I browse social media. If I’m scrolling Twitter or Instagram and I start to feel sad, angry, or bored, I step away. This is more about self-care than defeating algorithms, but it feels related, somehow.

There are scholars doing interesting and important work on this. Here are a few to check out:

Zeynep Tufecki

Safiya Noble

Anna Lauren Hoffman

Hi I’m Kimberly and I will be ignoring real life long enough to binge the new Queer Eye, okay bye.

I’m harboring a serious scholar crush on Shannon Crawford Barniskis right now. Her work connects theory and practice beautifully. Her concept of “librarian as enzyme” is amazing. Look her up.

TFW you need to dig out your CD binder so you can take the official Buffy soundtrack that's been in your car's CD player for two and a half years out only to replace it with Velvet Chain's Buffy EP.

My reading challenge for 2018 has two components:

1. Always be trying to read one more book than I have already read this year.

2. Read whatever feels good to read and will make me want to keep reading.

That's it.

More on the rationale behind these rules later.

Today in crazy on-brand for Kimberly, this NY Times Watching list of shows and movies featuring historical women getting it done.

I found my word for 2018, and it is LOVE.

In 2018, I will love myself as much as I love anyone else, and I will love my body as much as I love my mind and my heart.

In 2018, I will work to be sure my love is apparent to everyone I love. I won’t hide it out of fear of overwhelming them. I won’t let exhaustion and busyness keep me from expressing it. The people I love are strong enough to receive my love undiluted and I am strong enough to give it.

In 2018, I will show up with love in the world every day. Love is my own personal brand of magic and it always has been.

This year, I’ve really come to embrace love as my core value, and I have simultaneously grown frustrated with people - myself included - not matching their actions to their stated values. In 2018, I will become a human incarnation of love, a glowing manifestation of love.

In 2018, I will let my love light up the world.

Moira Hansen has written a beautiful piece here about academic spouses.

As I was reading it, I nearly teared up thinking of the amazing ways W. has supported me - for our entire almost-20-years-together (yes, we got together very young) - but especially in the past two and a half years.

There are of course all the amazing daily things he handles - dishes, laundry, grocery runs, takeout orders.

And standard academic spouse moments: listening as I work out a new idea, talking me through impostor syndrome, telling me that I should apply for conferences and grants even if I think my idea is dumb.

But also, like, crazy champion moments: making sure I eat in the middle of a paper writing marathon…

Best life partner brings you Mattie B's while you work on your paper. #readerimarriedhim

A post shared by Kimberly Hirsh (@kimberlyhirsh) on Dec 4, 2015 at 5:10pm PST

…and being my rock as I’ve been tossed upon the seas of impostor syndrome and anxiety that are so common among doctoral students.

So yes. Let's hear it for the partners of academics. They are amazing people.

Yes please.